Some jokes for my buddies.....
Health Care Plan
TEN TOP INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER HEALTH CARE PLAN:
10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
9. Directions to your Doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is: "An apple a day."
5. Your Primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. " The patient is responsible for 200% of out of network charges" is NOT a typographical error.
3. The only expense covered 100% is "EMBALMING."
2. Your prozac come in different colors with little M's on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED A VERY CHEAP HEALTH CARE PLAN IS:
1. You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
The NUN!!
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring at her.
He replies: "I have question to ask you but, I don't want to offend you."
She answers: "My son, you cannot offend me. when you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
He says: " Well I have always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds: "Well, let's see what we can do about that: ..1, you have to be single and ..2, you must be catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and catholic!"
"OK" the nun says, "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fufills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.But, when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess. I'm married and I'm jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
Top 4 Adult Jokes of 2005
..4 A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me. She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
..3 One night as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tommorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you havr a dentist appointment tommorrow too?"
..2 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible complusion. He had the urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but bill said he would be too embarassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong bill?", she asked. " Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" " oh bill you didn't!" she exclaimed. "Yes, I did." he replied. " My god, Bill, What happened?" " I got fired." " No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh......she got fired too."
..1 A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting at this breakfast table together." " I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." " I wouldn't be suprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
I have tons more if you wanna read them. If you like these comment on this blog and i will write some more up for you to read.
*Marie*
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